"I’ve been out of rehab for three months."
“Was it your first time?”
“What caused you to finally get help?”
“It had literally become a matter of life and death. I’d been to the emergency room a couple of times. Plus drinking had completely ruined my marriage.”
“Drinking made me really shady. I wasn’t even communicating with my wife anymore. I’d go to work for 15 hours, come home, drink, and go to bed. It’s like we weren’t even in a relationship— we were just roommates.”
"I got out of prison a month ago."
“What were you in for?”
“So what are you doing now that you’re out?”
“Trying to be an average Joe. But it’s tough. I was used to having all this money, now I can’t buy a thing. Nobody wants to hire me. I’ve got tattoos. I’ve got a rap sheet. I feel like I’m in this giant hole and I don’t know how to climb out.”
"What’s your greatest struggle right now?"
“What’s the hardest part of math?”
I can relate to this guy
"I always thought delivering mail would be easy. But it’s really hard work to keep up with your schedule. Because the way they calculate time in the office is not how it happens on the street."
They were from Tibet, and every single one of them was named Yengkey. At first I thought they were tricking me. But after they dispersed, I shouted “Yengkey!” And eight heads turned around.***
I’m having a realization about a pretty funny mistake I made. The older girl was the only one who spoke English fluently. She told me their name was “Tenzin.” And they were a team, like “The Yankees.” I asked how to spell her name. And she told me “Yengkey.” I assumed this was a phonetically unfamiliar way of spelling Tenzin, that was unique to Tibet. Now I realize she was spelling Yankee.
He started out explaining that his mom was not ordinary, because she “listens to hip hop.” Then I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up.
“A graffiti artist,” he said.
“What’s the toughest part about being a graffiti artist?” I asked.
“Running from the cops,” said Mom.
"I played semi-pro football for a couple years. The 1967 Long Island Jets. I got my ass kicked."
“What was your greatest moment of football glory?”
“Well, I was 190 lbs, and everybody else on the team was 250. So I pretty much only played special teams. But I was a third-string defensive lineman too. And one game we were up by 40 points, so they put me in the game. And our linebacker— Eddie, real mean guy— called me over and said: ‘Right before they hike the ball, spit on the center’s hand.’ I said: ‘What?’ And he said: ‘Trust me. Just spit on him.’ So right before they hiked the ball, I spit on the guy’s hand. And he immediately stood up to punch me, and Eddie comes running in and knocks the guy clean off his feet, then he sacks the quarterback. That was probably my greatest contribution.”
"It’s a Spaghetti Monster pin."
“How would you describe the Spaghetti Monster?”
“It’s a semi-serious, semi-parody religion. If you substitute the word ‘Spaghetti Monster’ for the word God, it exposes religion to critical thinking. Because of the cultural reverence for the word ‘God,’ so much of religion flies under the radar of critical thinking. But if you think about it— the word ‘God’ is just a noise we make, just like ‘Spaghetti Monster’ is a noise. Both are placeholders for a concept, and neither is more valid than the other. The whole point of the Spaghetti Monster is not necessarily to say that God isn’t real, but to point out the flaws in our conceptualization of him.”